At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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