Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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