Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
