I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
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These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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