The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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