yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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