I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
