Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
