This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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