I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
