wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
