I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
