marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
