He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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