Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize