it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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