My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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