I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
