Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
