Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
