my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
