You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
