This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
