Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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