We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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