Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
