I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
