dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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