i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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