"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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