I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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