I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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