My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
