Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
