so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
