I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We left the knife in your bed.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
