"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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