she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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