Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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