Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
