After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize