What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
