just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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