3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
