Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
