we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
