Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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