its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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