I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
