We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
