THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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