kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
