How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
