I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
