the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
