Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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