it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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