My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
