I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
