I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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