Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
