If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
