my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
