okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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