Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
