Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
