If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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