Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
