great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
