Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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