You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
