went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
