I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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