it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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